My father is patient, my father is kind...
He is not jealous, he is not pompous, he is not inflated, he is not rude, he does not seek his own interests, he is not quick-tempered, he does not brood over injury, he does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
My father never fails. (1)
My father was impatient, harsh, self-seeking, boastful, crude, raging, moody, cruel, quirky, humorous, and given to leering and off-color remarks. He despaired of life, of me, and of himself. Most of the time, he was absent, either on the road driving a truck, off working a hitch in a railroad camp somewhere, or holed up in his room, which was a relief.
When I compare my Heavenly Father with my earthly parent, of course Dad comes up lacking, as we all would. Dad was a supremely flawed human being, and naturally, in comparison to God, all of us just look like tiny-minded cretins, idiots, like mud.
Here's the thing. I loved my Dad, despite his flaws. He was my Dad.
How much easier it is to let myself be loved by The One who embraces me with unconditional kindness and never, ever fails me...but, wait. It ISN'T easier...
It has been much more difficult for me. Ah, you say, because the idea of a kind, loving forgiving father wasn't familiar. Dad didn't show that kind of love, so it is out of the comfort zone. Psych 101.
Yes, that's the most of it. Being cradled in love, forgiven and smiled upon, is like walking the high-wire without a net. And yet if I distill it down, isn't this the essence of my faith walk... "Do you know that God loves you?" Fill in the blanks at the end of that phrase with whatever... "but I..." statement you wish... "But I did such and so"... "but I am such and so."...
"Forgiven" is the reply that always comes back.
What magnificent, all encompassing grace is given to me... to anyone who asks for it!
We recently watched a movie in which the main character, a well known musician who died too young, has a tough relationship with his father and struggles with himself all through his faith life. Three minutes into the movie, my husband remarked, "Reminds me of your dad". Yes, it did, and as I watched, for the first time in about 60 years, I realized how hard it has been to let my Abba Father love me, because I was not programmed to experience a father's love in that way. Just to know that I know that I know that He loves me. It is enough.
Many years have passed since my earthly dad died, and I have come to be able to reflect on his better qualities, rather than grind my teeth about his difficult ones. I have learned to stand still and let God's love flow over me like a river, and instead of trying to shield myself from the flow, to embrace it and dance in the healing water.
"Forgiven" is the reply that always comes back.
What magnificent, all encompassing grace is given to me... to anyone who asks for it!
We recently watched a movie in which the main character, a well known musician who died too young, has a tough relationship with his father and struggles with himself all through his faith life. Three minutes into the movie, my husband remarked, "Reminds me of your dad". Yes, it did, and as I watched, for the first time in about 60 years, I realized how hard it has been to let my Abba Father love me, because I was not programmed to experience a father's love in that way. Just to know that I know that I know that He loves me. It is enough.
Many years have passed since my earthly dad died, and I have come to be able to reflect on his better qualities, rather than grind my teeth about his difficult ones. I have learned to stand still and let God's love flow over me like a river, and instead of trying to shield myself from the flow, to embrace it and dance in the healing water.
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