Posts

Cracks

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Some thoughts to begin the day…. Where to begin…. I have so many things I want to get down on paper before they fly out of my head like a flock of wheeling starlings and are gone forever… so I will try:
Obedience…. Oh, this word! How I railed and fought against it for so long. Submit? NEVER. Not me. I was strong, proud, independent, intelligent, and unrepentant. I would NOT submit or back down, ever. And yet… perhaps, through a tiny crack in my strong fa├žade, crept doubt that, well, maybe MY way of doing whatever it was… might not be the best way, the easiest way, or the “right” way…. 

Oh, who cares about being right? I am a seeker, a researcher… I have always looked for answers, for information, for knowledge and deeper understanding… I have not ever been content to rest on what I know now, but rather to explore and search and question… yes, question everything, including myself. And when I do, I discover that I know such an infinitesimal drop of nothing in the huge pool of wisdom thro…

Rebirth- A Poem

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Of all the hurts I inflicted
the worst was my permission
to take myself places
where my soul screamed
I went willingly, mutely
stomach crawling, trembling
remembered shame and rage
now seen as the truth
mistaken for thrill
young and yearning
I gave parts of me away
more and more were taken
till all that was showing
was the spark of my heart
winking feebly
dimly glowing, almost ashes
Your breath softly fanned it
cupped it gently
coaxed it to life
sheltered from the storms
first a tiny flame
a small fire
grew
sputtering, strengthening
now crackling forth to sustain me
and warm the one
who rebirthed the fire in me
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Every year, as I look back over what has transpired, I have posted my reflections on the prior year… and looked forward to the new year with anticipation and hope.

This year is no different, yet it is… It was this year, 2018, that I had some major changes happen to me… interiorly, where you cannot look at me and see them… Changes of heart, changes of action… God has been working on me… and guiding me to take my steps on a different path. I have slowly, over the years, been mellowing from the feisty, quick-to-speak and quick-to-take-offense woman I have been, to one more inclined to think before I speak… (Yes, I know, the Jersey girl will always pop out when you least expect it, but hopefully along with the softening of my heart that has happened she will temper her words…) I still love to laugh, and seem to be filled with joy to the point of almost silliness, as David and I banter and joke every day, our little cabin is filled with happiness and love. Truly, life has become more preci…

Daybook today...

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Daybook today...

Outside my window – the dusk arrives gently through clouds 
I am thinking - about the year we have almost completed, the changes in my life and my heart
I am thankful - for friends who are family, my husband (my rock) my God and my faith
I am wearing – a warm robe and slippers as the cold air starts to creep in with the darkness
I am remembering – my sister Nancy, whose birthday was yesterday, and who died too soon in 2009
I am creating -a practice coat for my husband, of heavy gray wool, no pattern used, just measured and fitted and cut and sewn
I am going – to enjoy a supper of beef stew and homemade wheat bread
I am reading - The Sign of Jonas by Thomas Merton
I am hoping – for peace in my heart
On my mind - a  million things, but mostly an interior smile and lots of joy lately
Pondering these words – "Listen with the ear of your heart"
From the kitchen – oh, that beef stew and fresh baked bread smell wonderful
Around the house – reorganizing and nesting still in our …
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Daybook today...

Outside my window – a cool winter morning with plenty of sunshine through  the trees
I am thinking - about Christmas yesterday, the joy and the sadness that come every year at this time
I am thankful - for so many things, especially the steady love of my dear husband, my friend and my love for all time
I am wearing – yoga pants and a tunic, warm slippers!
I am remembering – the ups and downs of my life, an adventure to be sure
I am creating -beginning sewing work on a capote in dark green wool, made for a friend
I am going – to hang laundry and then start sewing
I am reading - The Sign of Jonas by Thomas Merton
I am hoping – for a peaceful day
On my mind - family and friends, 
Pondering these words – "If today you hear His voice, harden not your heart"
From the kitchen – coffee, of course and an amazing egg scramble with potatoes, sausage, cheese, mushrooms, onions and green pepper, cooked with love by David
Around the house – reorganizing and nesting still in our "…
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My father is patient, my father is kind...

He is not jealous, he is not pompous, he is not inflated, he is not rude, he does not seek his own interests, he is not quick-tempered, he does not brood over injury, he does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

My father never fails. (1)

My father was impatient, harsh, self-seeking, boastful, crude, raging, moody, cruel, quirky, humorous, and given to leering and off-color remarks. He despaired of life, of me, and of himself. Most of the time, he was absent, either on the road driving a truck, off working a hitch in a railroad camp somewhere, or holed up in his room, which was a relief.


When I compare my Heavenly Father with my earthly parent, of course Dad comes up lacking, as we all would. Dad was a supremely flawed human being, and naturally, in comparison to God, all of us just look like tiny-minded cretins, idiots, like mud.
Here's …

Baby Steps

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Aha!!
You thought I was gone... and, perhaps, I have been in some desert of my own making for the last "over a year", but I am back to tell you things are looking up for 2013. Plans and resolutions... dreams and hopes, which will be fulfilled and which ones will simply make God laugh?
Did you ever take a look at your life and realize that there are not just one or two areas that you want to make changes,,, but many... feel overwhelmed, and not do any of them?

Another tough one is changing the fabric of my life steps here on earth so that they more completely reflect my desired journey through the remaining days of my life. I'm just going to list them in randomness... and this is just a journal pouring out my thoughts into the blogasphere for the world to see... if you like them, let me know... and if you don't I'll be happy to go round with you about them too....I am just talking my way through the thought process so to lay the ground work for change.

Ready? O…