Tilt

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What makes a world tilt? How do you know when one last straw loaded into your bag of tricks becomes enough to tip you over backwards and cause you to lie stunned, helpless, cursing life, yourself and the straw… and finally stilling, to fall upwards into the bowl of heaven above? When do you feel God's presence surely? Is it in the tipping-over free-fall moment of human failing that His grace is revealed? Or is it the moment you close your eyes, only to see clearly?
When in weakness our hearts cry out or when through our numb lips and tears we laugh at the strangest things, like Alice through the Looking Glass, (it is all so very odd)… a tea party invitation that tickles our funnybone…


No. No comfort to be found, none wanted, you see… the pain is what sustains me through this moment, this day. It is MY pain.. do not try and take it away, understand it, explain it, analyze it… Leave me to it. I own it.
In this moment, let me hold my loss and anger, let me breathe it and then… and then...

I will let God find me and heal me as love and mercy return. I have but to ask. And I will ask, no, plead my prayer for His healing… for the shame to crawl back to wherever it came from… for the enfolding of my heart with forgiveness and peace; peace still as snow, new-fallen ; as a mist over a still lake in morning’s first light.

Restore me to vertical, Lord… bring me to my center again and burn your love into my heart…you who see me so clearly… you who know me before I form the thought… and so I pray.

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