Ramblings from the Homestead

I n my humble opinion, (and since this is my blog, I will share it) , education, degrees, and years of indoctrination in institutes of higher learning do not make one in any way superior to the masses of people who have not been afforded this opportunity. Thinking too much, living up in their heads, and not integrating all they have learned with their actions, intellectual snobs and highly intelligent elitists storm through the world, dismissing anyone who does not hold their world views, leaving abandoned hearts and cold misunderstandings in their wake. While I value and respect the huge resources of knowledge from those who have gone before me, I keep coming back to this: "People don't care what you know, unless they know that you care." The greatest of the gifts we are given is not our giant brain or "superior" intelligence, but our giant hearts and superior actions toward ALL our brothers and sisters... even the ones with whom we may not always agre...

Some thoughts to begin the day…. Where to begin…. I have so many things I want to get down on paper before they fly out of my head like a flock of wheeling starlings and are gone forever… so I will try: Obedience…. Oh, this word! How I railed and fought against it for so long. Submit? NEVER. Not me. I was strong, proud, independent, intelligent, and unrepentant. I would NOT submit or back down, ever. And yet… perhaps, through a tiny crack in my strong façade, crept doubt that, well, maybe MY way of doing whatever it was… might not be the best way, the easiest way, or the “right” way….  Oh, who cares about being right? I am a seeker, a researcher… I have always looked for answers, for information, for knowledge and deeper understanding… I have not ever been content to rest on what I know now, but rather to explore and search and question… yes, question everything, including myself. And when I do, I discover that I know such an infinitesimal drop of nothing in the huge pool o...

Of all the hurts I inflicted the worst was my permission to take myself places where my soul screamed I went willingly, mutely stomach crawling, trembling remembered shame and rage now seen as the truth mistaken for thrill young and yearning I gave parts of me away more and more were taken till all that was showing was the spark of my heart winking feebly dimly glowing, almost ashes Your breath softly fanned it cupped it gently coaxed it to life sheltered from the storms first a tiny flame a small fire grew sputtering, strengthening now crackling forth to sustain me and warm the one who rebirthed the fire in me

Every year, as I look back over what has transpired, I have posted my reflections on the prior year… and looked forward to the new year with anticipation and hope. This year is no different, yet it is … It was this year, 2018, that I had some major changes happen to me… interiorly, where you cannot look at me and see them… Changes of heart, changes of action… God has been working on me… and guiding me to take my steps on a different path. I have slowly, over the years, been mellowing from the feisty, quick-to-speak and quick-to-take-offense woman I have been, to one more inclined to think before I speak… (Yes, I know, the Jersey girl will always pop out when you least expect it, but hopefully along with the softening of my heart that has happened she will temper her words…) I still love to laugh, and seem to be filled with joy to the point of almost silliness, as David and I banter and joke every day, our little cabin is filled with happiness and love. Truly, life has become...

Daybook today... Outside my window – the dusk arrives gently through clouds  I am thinking - about the year we have almost completed, the changes in my life and my heart I am thankful - for friends who are family, my husband (my rock) my God and my faith I am wearing – a warm robe and slippers as the cold air starts to creep in with the darkness I am remembering – my sister Nancy, whose birthday was yesterday, and who died too soon in 2009 I am creating -a practice coat for my husband, of heavy gray wool, no pattern used, just measured and fitted and cut and sewn I am going – to enjoy a supper of beef stew and homemade wheat bread I am reading - The Sign of Jonas by Thomas Merton I am hoping – for peace in my heart On my mind - a  million things, but mostly an interior smile and lots of joy lately Pondering these words – "Listen with the ear of your heart" From the kitchen – oh, that beef stew and fresh baked bread smell wonderful Around the house – reorganizing and nest...

Daybook today... Outside my window – a cool winter morning with plenty of sunshine through  the trees I am thinking - about Christmas yesterday, the joy and the sadness that come every year at this time I am thankful - for so many things, especially the steady love of my dear husband, my friend and my love for all time I am wearing – yoga pants and a tunic, warm slippers! I am remembering – the ups and downs of my life, an adventure to be sure I am creating -beginning sewing work on a capote in dark green wool, made for a friend I am going – to hang laundry and then start sewing I am reading - The Sign of Jonas by Thomas Merton I am hoping – for a peaceful day On my mind - family and friends,  Pondering these words – "If today you hear His voice, harden not your heart" From the kitchen – coffee, of course and an amazing egg scramble with potatoes, sausage, cheese, mushrooms, onions and green pepper, cooked with love by David Around the house – reorganizing and...

My father is patient, my father is kind... He is not jealous, he is not pompous, he is not inflated, he is not rude, he does not seek his own interests, he is not quick-tempered, he does not brood over injury, he does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. My father never fails. (1) My father was impatient, harsh, self-seeking, boastful, crude, raging, moody, cruel, quirky, humorous, and given to leering and off-color remarks. He despaired of life, of me, and of himself. Most of the time, he was absent, either on the road driving a truck, off working a hitch in a railroad camp somewhere, or holed up in his room, which was a relief. When I compare my Heavenly Father with my earthly parent, of course Dad comes up lacking, as we all would. Dad was a supremely flawed human being, and naturally, in comparison to God, all of us just look like tiny-minded cretins, idi...

Aha!! You thought I was gone... and, perhaps, I have been in some desert of my own making for the last "over a year", but I am back to tell you things are looking up for 2013. Plans and resolutions... dreams and hopes, which will be fulfilled and which ones will simply make God laugh? Did you ever take a look at your life and realize that there are not just one or two areas that you want to make changes,,, but many... feel overwhelmed, and not do any of them? Another tough one is changing the fabric of my life steps here on earth so that they more completely reflect my desired journey through the remaining days of my life. I'm just going to list them in randomness... and this is just a journal pouring out my thoughts into the blogasphere for the world to see... if you like them, let me know... and if you don't I'll be happy to go round with you about them too....I am just talking my way through the thought process so to lay the ground work for change. Re...

Daybook today... Outside my window – a cool spring morning and a beautiful sunrise I am thinking - about walking the dog in a few minutes I am thankful - for every little blessing that comes my way unexpectedly...and for my sweet husband I am wearing – jammies and warm sox I am remembering – new beginnings and how exciting they can be I am creating -reenactment dresses, a new quilt, a wool braided rug I am going – to work soon I am reading - Shelter II by Lloyd Kahn I am hoping – for peace in my life On my mind - sisters, sons, and grandchildren Pondering these words – Joy is peace dancing, peace is joy at rest From the kitchen – freshly ground and brewed coffee and later, some oatmeal Around the house – reducing and removing, letting go of the extra stuff Some of my favorite things – my cat, Fester and little dog, Peanut A few plans for the rest of the week – two more days of work... then a birthday weekend for David My picture posting: Fish River at Big Daddy's

Now just because I named my bantam rooster after my dad doesn’t mean Fred was small and cocky…. On the contrary, he was a big man, with a huge presence… I always found his big, calloused hands a bit frightening, and his gruff nature put me off. We had a fractious relationship in my teen years and beyond, but I have been assured he loved me with all his heart. I believe that now…. There were times when I didn’t. Fred was a lot like me, although I didn’t readily admit it. He was a tinkerer, a wanderer, and an inveterate scrounger. He cared not one whit about the latest fashion, and wore his grubby jeans low and baggy. His flannel shirts and striped railroad cap were a signature… pushed back on his head, a two day growth of beard stubble that he loved to rub on my cheek to hear me holler, and a pair of sturdy black leather laceup boots were his usual garb. He cleaned up nicely, and I have memories of him, clean shaven and smelling of Aqua Velva, heading out the door in the evenings. The...

My great-grandmother, Isabella Grace Pierson Jones taken when she was about 21

I can’t easily count the number of times I have moved in my life. It is probably around 30. That is a lot of uprooting and packing and unpacking. Now some of these moves happened before I was grown, and are not always accompanied by a happy memory… which is why I write about them now. When I was in my twenties, facing another move, a wise friend gave me a poster. It showed a kitten curled in a flower pot, sleeping blissfully, and proclaimed “Home is wherever your heart is”. It was a comfort to me, as I wrenched up my shallow roots yet again, and prepared to nest in another unfamiliar place. Many times the moves I made were due to financial hardship, family problems, or perhaps a desire to start anew a life that was rocking like a ship in a rough ocean. Whatever the reasons, there were sweat and toil, loss of possessions, new house issues and new landlords and locations to deal with. I always thought, thanks to my Dad, who loved to wander, that I had a bit of the gypsy in me. I stil...

After a totally frustrating day at work, it is one of the most pleasant things I can think of to come home and play in the dirt. So, I smiled while I scooped the dark, moist potting soil from a green plastic bag into the tiny green pots that are now holding rather leggy cucumber seedlings. What was I thinking? It is February!! Even on the Gulf Coast, this is too early for cukes, and they should just go right in the ground when the time IS right. But, I will tend them, nevertheless. They may be out of time with the rest of the cucumber/summer garden world, (sort of like me) but I’ll see what they can do. I won’t even angst over them if they don’t make it, and I will be happy with earlier- than-early cucumbers if I get a few. Maybe this casual but caring attitude is what I need to take with me into the world, too. Loving lightly the things that are just small stuff… whether the neighbor’s cat walks on my car each night and leaves cat prints over the roof and down the hood… whether the...

January --- a new year, a new start, a new attitude... for better or for worse, my constant companion blues are fading... I see a little more clearly... (except for weird eye issues which are physical and not the emotional and spiritual seeing I am referring to...) it has been time to let go, hold on, take a stand, back down, reverse motion, make changes, focus on the details, look at the big picture... life is such a dichotomy sometimes! I'm just walking through it... one foot, one foot, breathe in, breathe out... and have no time in my life for people who want to trip me as I go... I have learned to go around them... and to embrace the wonder-filled magic of the positive people in my life... the ones I can trust. Happy New Year!

One year ago today, my sister Nancy went home to be with the Lord. I miss her EVERY day, and I am so thankful we had the time to spend together, all too short time... I know she is still with me in my heart and always will be, and even though the tears come still when I miss her, I can find joy at the thought of her dancing with the angels. I will never forget images of her dressed in her ugg boots, tights, a tunic and a cape of some kind... a weird huge cowboy hat, and had a sword she made from something. She called it her Cancer Fighting Suit... Lord, she could make me laugh! Silly things remind me of her...orange butterflies, tunafish cans, Gypsy Vanner horses and mules of any kind.  I have memories of riding in her dark green jacked-up, airbrushed, tricked-out, redneck truck with the windows rolled down, radio blasting- Wild Thing.... and a little happy Jack Russell who howled "I love you" to her...of caramel ice cream and her popping out of my laundry room to surprise...

True friendship exists simply for its own sake. It is cemented by two who equally value friendship simply out of a desire to do so and can exist across cultures, and genders, and time, and distance. It is the easiest of the three to form; it is the most rare to find. Indeed, the greatest thing I can do for my friend is to simply be their friend. __________

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Daybook today... Outside my window – a perfect spring night... peepers I am thinking - of the time I have left in my life to make it my own... Carpe Diem I am thankful - for every little blessing that comes my way unexpectedly... today's rain on the roof made work almost a pleasure. I am wearing – black slacks, black and white print blouse with butterfly sleeves, and big fuzzy house slippers! I am remembering – to keep fighting I am creating -a huge genealogy database I am going – to sleep soon I am reading - just finished March by Geraldine Brooks I am hoping – for good camping weather the next few weekends On my mind - two sisters, two sons Pondering these words – Acceptance and surrender ( but keep fighting) From the kitchen – black beans and turkey and rice a la David Around the house – spring cleaning is needed~ One of my favorite things – my snuggly cat, Fester A few plans for the rest of the week – one more day of work... then a weekend to putter to my heart's content he...